Thursday, October 7

Terrified

There are a lot of moments in teaching when you wonder what the heck you were thinking. However, those moments are always balanced out by those inspirational moments when your students "get it." Today, I had an experience that terrified me to my very core. I could barely keep it together for me students and maintain composure. But, if I would have lost it, they certainly would have lost it.

For an hour today, at the very end of the school day, we were in lockdown. I have to say, after all the practices and making sure that the students know their job, I know why we do it. We were in the middle of bussing procedures today and we had an all call for "immediate lockdown!" I only had 3 boys left in my room and they knew exactly what to do. (That's one of those moments when you know you've done your job!) I have to say, that in my heart, I knew something was not okay. We started our day on a lockdown 'with warning' because of a threat made to a student at our high school which is just next door. I felt okay. But, as you sit there, in silence, thinking and thinking and thinking and not know anything of what's going on, your mind begins to wander and think of things. I have to say, I broke out in emotion. I didn't know what was going to happen.

I was texting with another colleague, making sure we kept each other up on communication and I watched the 3 boys I still had in my room interact. Mind you, 2 of them can't STAND each other and the other was new to our classroom. But, it was the moment when I saw 1 of them rub the others' knee because he was crying, that again, I knew I had done my job. The sincere, honest compassion for the other student was evident in that knee rub. I may have been terrified, but I still love my profession!

However, all of this followed an amazing day at Highland. Yesterday, we had a school-wide planting day. This was the follow-up to a $5000 grant we received for beautifying our front yard. After tons of preparations, calling and organizing, we finally go things in place. It was fun to see our students working together toward a common goal. I'm glad it's over for now, because I'm truly exhausted and couldn't take anymore of the organizing!

M.