I can't begin to say that "I can't remember my life before..." or "I can't imagine my life without.." my son. But I can say that it was most definitely the most rewarding wait in my lifetime. It seems like much longer than the 26 months than this journey has taken so far. The classes, paperwork, visits, emails, fingerprints and checks written are, for the most part, behind us as they relate to this journey. (Yes, I know that we'll be writing many more checks...many more!)
Max turned 1 month old today and looking back at the past 4+ weeks, I have to join the ranks of millions of parents before me that say "the time goes so fast." It seems like just a moment ago we held him in our arms for the first time and spent a couple of restless nights in the hospital trying to prove to the nurses that we are going to be the responsible, responsive parents we hope to be.
But here we are, 31 days later, a few inches longer, a pound or more heavier (my best guess) and we're still trying to prove to ourselves that we are going to be the best parents we can be. The weight of each little decision, dash of formula, butt wipe consumed are compiling on the factors that will lead to his eventual success in this world. We can only hope that the decisions we're forced to make for him now are the ones that he'll love and respect us for years down the road.
Max and I spend our days together -- some of them seem longer than others. As we all do, Max has his fussier days and it seems as soon as I put him down to rest while I grab a bite to eat or pour another cup of coffee, he's blurping up or crying for some help for something or other...But I can honestly say that each of those days are just as gratifying as the calm, quiet days. I think it has to do with the fact that on fussier days -- we still come out smiling and happy at the end of the day. I can't help but be amazed at what must be going on in his body and mind each day as he either restfully conquers another day or vocally shares how difficult it is. Either way -- it's beautiful.